I’m sharing the positive birth story of our fourth baby Ernie, born peacefully at home.
If I could give expectant mothers one piece of advice in preparing for their first birth, especially for home birth, it would be this – listen to positive birth stories if you’re hoping to have a positive home birth story of your own.
The woman’s body was made to give birth. Birth is not an emergency in and of itself – it’s just a normal bodily process for women in the childbearing years. Just as menstruating and ovulating are normal for women, birth is normal too, and it’s nothing to fear. It can and should be an empowering, wonderful experience for most women.
Birth, like life, does not come with guarantees. Even in the hands of the most skilled, laid-back midwife and the most perfect environment – things can go wrong. We all know this. But sadly, ‘things going wrong’ has become the norm for most births in the US. One in three hospital births end in cesarean section – this is a perfect example of something being common, but not at all normal. Vaginal birth is normal, c-section should be exceptional – reserved for true emergencies.
In this video, I’m sharing more about my planned home births
Almost every mother (including me) has at least one traumatic hospital birth story she could share. And share she does! Mothers seem to love nothing more than sharing their own traumatic birth stories with other mothers expecting their first baby. This does so much harm in perpetuating the lies that pregnancy is a disease and childbirth is a medical emergency. There’s a time and a place to share a traumatic birth story, especially if you’re trying to process and heal – but when speaking with a new mom about to have her first baby is not that time or place.
Especially when comparing hospital birth to planned home birth – these are not comparable at all. So back to my advice for any mom desiring a positive, natural, home birth – I’d highly recommend tuning out traumatic birth stories and hospital birth stories – since these will not help you prepare to give birth in the setting you have chosen. Listen to lots and lots of positive stories from mothers who trust birth.
Having said that, I’m going to briefly recount my previous types of births to add some context as to how I ended up choosing home birth.
My Birthing Experience Leading up to Baby #4
First Baby – Premature birth in the hospital & NICU Stay
I was young, uneducated, and consumed a very poor diet. Even though I followed all the doctor’s orders as far as prenatals, testing, appointments, etc., I was very swollen and unhealthy looking in my third trimester and had my first baby 6 weeks early. My doctors said it was out of my control and that I would never be able to carry a baby to term. It took me another pregnancy to build my confidence and reject this “diagnosis” – but eventually I did, and I’m so glad!
Second Baby – Natural birth in the hospital
?I took weekly progesterone injections with this baby and still barely made it to 38 weeks. This was my first natural birth. My biggest motivation for skipping the meds was that I had experienced having my baby taken from me and feeling helpless since I had an epidural. I knew that if I didn’t have any IV’s – no one could take my baby anywhere I couldn’t go as well, so I just did it. This was a mostly positive birth experience
Third Baby – Natural birth center birth
Having one natural birth under my belt, I really dove deep in research during this pregnancy and owned the fact that my premature deliveries and unhealthy pregnancies were due to my poor dietary and lifestyle habits. I shaped my diet up completely, started exercising daily, and carried this baby to 41w1d. After his birth, I knew for sure that I wasn’t defective, I’d simply been making poor lifestyle choices. This led to my desire to have the type of birth I did with our fourth baby. I had him at home and did not hire a midwife to attend the birth. I don’t think this is the right choice for most women, but it was for me. I will tell you that story now.
My Positive Experience & First Home Birth
Our fourth baby Ernie was born on a Saturday in January 2022, at 7:07 in the morning.
The night before (Friday night), we sat down in the living room for movie night, and by 8, I’d had a few very serious contractions. I was 40w4d and although I’d been having braxton hicks contractions and prodromal labor for a few weeks, I felt that it was time. My labors tend to be 10-12 hours, so I figured the baby would be born the next day.
I got up and quietly whispered to John that I was going to go to bed because I was probably in labor, but not to tell the kids – just in case it was a false alarm. I’d been very sick in the weeks prior and was exhausted from not sleeping well and taking care of our older kids who had also been sick and had many sleepless nights. So, as excited as I was that labor was beginning – I knew I needed to sleep through as much of it as I could and save my energy for the very end. This meant I needed the big kids to sleep too, so it was better that they didn’t know.
John tucked them in after the movie and came to bed around 9:30. My contractions were about 5 minutes apart, and I knew for sure this was it. I told him I was going to sleep until I couldn’t anymore and that he should too. He asked if we should call my mom at this point, and I said no – I’ll call her to come over when I can’t talk through contractions and that may be a while. We stayed awake and talked for a while longer, contractions were still coming every 5 minutes or so.
I got up to go to the bathroom around 10:45 and noticed some blood and my mucus plug. Good, I thought, things are moving along.
Preparing to Give Birth the Following Day
I asked John to help me put the shower curtain and our white sheets on the bed at this point. Shower curtain in case my water broke while I was in bed, and white sheets so they could be bleached.
Now, I knew I needed to lay down and sleep/rest as much as possible, if not for the entire night. I listened to Psalms and hymns while I mostly slept through labor until about 3:45, only waking a bit to notice each contraction, but staying relaxed through them.
But I noticed they were getting much stronger and closer together, so I got up quietly (I didn’t want to wake John yet, I like to be alone during labor) and walked around the house a bit, had a snack, checked on the baby’s heart rate – lots of movement throughout labor and heart tones were perfectly normal at rest and during contractions. I decided I would call my mom right at 4.
I was 40w5d and she had been waiting for the call, so she answered after a couple rings and said she’d be over right away. I told her I didn’t know how much time I had, maybe an hour, maybe a few? But it would be soon.
My Birth Team (family) Arrives
I wasn’t sure if my sister would be able to make it since her husband works overnights and she has two little babes of her own. But I texted her and told her it was time and I’d love her to be here if she wanted to pack the boys up and bring them over. She was up nursing her littlest one and texted back right away that she’d be here ASAP.
My mom got here around 4:45 and things had really picked up. I was having to focus completely through each contraction. I was so tired and I don’t like to talk during labor, so she just sat with me in the living room in the dark. I’d sit down in between each contraction and close my eyes to rest, then get up and walk through them, they were about 2-3 minutes apart.
My sister got here around 5:15 and I was happy to see her and the boys. I smiled and said hello to them, but quickly had to drop down to my knees for a painful contractions. I knew at this point I needed to regroup and focus without distraction. For me, staying relaxed and focused is the best form of pain relief. I felt the baby would be here soon, so I went to wake my husband.
I didn’t want to startle him, so I gently put my hand on his back, but as soon as I did, I felt the urge to throw up. I ran to the bathroom and projectile-puked a few times. This is normal for me and usually means transition is coming. So much for waking John gently! I yelled from the bathroom that it was time, and he should wake up our older kids, call his mom, and tell her to come over.
I went out to say good morning to the big kids once John got them up, knowing I’d want to be alone from that point on. They were so excited, and I loved having all of the little ones and the women in the family there, but also having my privacy in my room and bathroom.
From Active Labor to Transition
Around 6, John and I went in our room and I knew I wouldn’t come out again until the baby was born. I laid down in bed to try to rest until the very last minute. John stood by me and held my hand. He knows this is all I need from him.
I was still so very tired at this point, which became a problem because I was falling too deeply asleep in between contractions. Then I’d get startled when they came and be unable to relax through them.
So, I knew I needed to get out of bed and into a different position. I asked John to fill the tub for me, I’ve never liked laboring in the tub before and wasn’t planning a water birth and didn’t have a dedicated birth pool – but figured I’d try. I had one contraction in the tub and it was horrible, I looked at John and said “I hate this, I want out, but I can’t move right now.” Once it passed I got out immediately. Water birth isn’t for everyone.
I sat on a little stool in the bathroom for a while and would stand up and squat/sway back and forth through contractions. It felt like the right thing to do so that must have been what the baby needed at that time. I also asked John to have our daughter bring me some dates for a little energy boost. She was so happy to help and I was happy to see her.
I was still struggling to stay awake at this point so I went back to bed. That didn’t last a long time at all. I had two contractions, two minutes apart, laying down – then opened my eyes and said “help me.” John thought I was talking to him and said “So, when you say ‘help me’ what do you want me to do” I said “Nothing, it’s ok, I wasn’t talking to you. I just felt the baby move down – it’s time.”
It was 6:50 – transition had arrived and I knew it wouldn’t last long. I didn’t know at the time, but our oldest son had gotten out bacon and eggs to make breakfast for everyone and led them in prayer, asking God to help me be able to focus until our baby was born.
Delivering Baby in the Shower By Myself
I got out of bed, turned the shower on, and asked John to bring me the birthing ball and tell my sister to come in. I got in the shower and kneeled so the water was on my back and I was leaning over the ball in front of me, which was a great relief.
I was still so tired and kept falling asleep in between contractions in the shower, it felt to me like I was in there sleeping forever! When contractions came, I stayed on my knees but leaned up from the ball. I was very loud at this point. After a couple of contractions, my waters opened and I noticed dark meconium.
Hmm, I thought – this is new for me. I wasn’t concerned at all, the baby’s movement had been great, and there were no signs of distress. Plus, the best practice when you see meconium is to do nothing. It’s a variation of normal, and prophylactic suctioning or interfering is shown to cause harm.
After the next contraction, I checked to see if I could feel anything. I could barely feel the baby’s head – and hair! I was so excited. I have been dreaming about a dark-haired little baby for five years. Only one of our older 3, the oldest, was born with hair.
Right before 7, my body began pushing with each contraction, and I instinctively knew how much of my own effort to add each time. I’ve never had an undisturbed birth before, so I’ve never experienced the second stage of labor in a way that didn’t feel rushed, pressured, tense, or coached. John and my sister were standing right outside the shower behind me and could see everything. I knew they were there, and I was talking to them, giving updates on what I felt – but they were quiet, which was perfect.
Once I felt and saw the head crowning, I kept my hand there. So much dark hair – I couldn’t believe it was actually happening! The head was born after a few pushing contractions, and then a pause – I felt and saw lots of fluids come out of the baby’s lungs (normal, preparing baby to breathe) and knew the rest of the baby would be born with the next contraction.
It’s A Boy!
I raised my right knee so I was kneeling only on my left knee, which felt like the right position I should be in to birth and catch the baby’s body. And I’ve been asked a lot if I was nervous about dropping baby, the answer is no, not at all. The adrenaline at that moment is insane, superhuman. Check out the book Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering by Sarah if you’re into nerdy birth science! There was no chance of me dropping baby, I was hyper-focused and ready…plus, I was kneeling on the floor of the shower, not standing, so it just wasn’t a concern.
The last contraction and final push came, and the baby was born quickly into my hands. Dark hair, dark eyes wide open, and the cord in between the legs so I couldn’t see if the baby was a boy or girl. The first thing I said was “It looks just like John!” (our oldest son). I was so happy at that moment, words can’t explain it.
The baby was so green from all the meconium! Eyes were wide open and great tone, but no breathing just yet. I didn’t feel like I was in my clinical brain, I just felt like a mother who knew what to do instinctively and I turned the baby over my knee and rubbed his little back for a while – postural drainage of sorts. Then I turned him back over and he breathed, began to cry, and pinked right up. I was never worried, this was all just a variation of normal and he was still receiving lots of oxygen-rich blood from his placenta since the cord was attached. I was prepared for problems, but this just wasn’t one.
I turned around and told my husband I was going to move the cord to see if it was a boy or girl. He said “I know already, I can see from back here, it’s a boy.” Sure enough, another sweet little boy!
Big Kids Meet Their New Baby
I was just so happy and so proud of him, I told John to get the grandmas and all the kids to come see him right away. They all came in maybe a minute after he was born. I had gotten out of the shower and was sitting on the bathroom floor holding him and looking at him, cord still attached and placenta yet to be birthed. They were all so excited to see him, I’ll never forget that moment!
My sister had laid down Chux pads and prepared my bed, so I went to lay down with him and wait for the placenta to come. While I waited, she checked me for tears and said everything looked great and kept an eye on bleeding, which was also fine. I had done a lot nutritionally to prevent hemorrhage, and also didn’t have the risk that comes with medical birth – so I wasn’t worried, but I had supplies ready just in case.
About 15 minutes later I felt that the placenta had detached and stood up to deliver it. My sister held the bowl, I held the baby in one hand and delivered the placenta with my other hand. Just one push and a little guidance by hand is all it takes to naturally deliver a placenta. The mother is the best person to do this, since she can feel and won’t apply undue pressure.
?The Golden Hour
I felt so much better after the placenta was born, knowing I could lie down and rest for a good while. It was such a blessing to have my children and the women in the family around me at that point, all helping to take care of me, clean up, and watch the new baby in his first hours. I don’t know when he first latched, but it was sometime in the first hour. I wasn’t in a hurry, and he found his way to the breast just fine, as babes will do when left alone.
Someone asked: “What’s his name?” And my husband said: “Ernst.” I knew he had wanted to name the baby after his grandfather, who also lived on this farm. I was happy he had a name and I love little Ernie!
Before I knew it, 3 hours had passed since his birth. I had checked him over completely, he was a perfectly healthy little boy. My husband had fed me lots of good food, and I was ready to get cleaned up. My mom prepared an herbal bath for the baby and me while my sister and I burnt and clamped the cord. 3 hours was plenty of time to make sure he got all of his blood supply, stem cells, and everything he needed from his placenta.
A Postpartum Bath with Baby
My husband was the first to hold him while I got in the tub, and then he handed him to me. Little Ernie loved being in the water and was very peaceful. I felt so much better after the bath, and it was so nice to get into a clean bed and rest – my mom and daughter had changed my sheets while I was in the tub. At this point, his birth felt complete and I was ready to rest. And rest we did, the rest of the day. It was so good to be home, a very positive homebirth indeed.
This was my most challenging birth because I didn’t really feel good going into it and was so tired, but it was also my best birth experience. I wouldn’t change a thing. And I would do it just like this again and again in a heartbeat! In fact, I am getting ready for my second home birth very soon as I share this story.
I don’t consider my birth unassisted or a “free birth” because I have extensive medical training and am not against intervention if necessary. I also wasn’t alone or unsupported and never planned to be. My husband, mom, sister, and MIL were everything I needed in support people and nothing more. They were just there to quietly help and witness, it was perfect.
I wouldn’t call this a pain-free birth by any means, but I can’t say that was my goal. It was a birth without fear, and a birth where I relied on God alone to guide and deliver me, having prayed and prepared much in advance to be able to rest in that faith. I’m forever grateful for this positive home birth story!